Having a new baby can change your relationship
If you live in Leicester, Leicestershire or Rutland, and have come to this page by scanning the QR code in your baby’s Red Book, you are in the right place!
Having a baby can be exciting, exhausting and life-changing. Alongside getting to know and care for your baby, you are also adjusting to new roles, routines and responsibilities. It is very common for relationships to feel different during this time.
All parents and co-parents disagree from time to time. Children do not need adults who never argue. Disagreements that are calm, short-lived and resolved are a normal part of family life. What matters is how conflict happens and how it is resolved. When disagreements become frequent, intense or are left unresolved, they can create stress and uncertainty for children.
This matters from the very beginning. Babies may not understand what is being said, but they are sensitive to the emotional environment around them. Feeling safe, secure and cared for helps support their early development and relationships. As children grow, ongoing conflict between parents can affect their emotional wellbeing, behaviour, relationships with others and how they manage at school.
This is not about having a perfect relationship. It is about recognising when things are becoming difficult and knowing that small changes in how you communicate, manage disagreements and reconnect afterwards can make a real difference, for your relationship, for your baby and for family life as your child grows.
A few things that can help
Check in with each other
Make time to ask how each other is doing, not just what needs doing. A simple “How are you?” or “What would help today?” can create space to talk about how you are both really feeling.
Remember you are adjusting
Neither of you has all the answers. You may have different expectations or ways of doing things. Try to see these differences as something to work through together, rather than something one of you is getting wrong.
Talk about the workload
Caring for a baby involves more than feeds, nappies and practical tasks. There is also planning, remembering, organising and worrying. Talk about what each of you is carrying and whether things feel manageable and fair.
Notice the positives
When you are tired, it is easy to focus on what has not been done or what is going wrong. Try to notice what your partner is doing too. A simple thank you can make a difference.
Choose your moment
Some conversations need to happen, but not necessarily when you are exhausted, angry or your baby is crying. If things become heated, pause if you can and agree to come back to the conversation when you are calmer.
Talk about intimacy
Sex and physical intimacy can feel different after having a baby. Tiredness, recovery, hormones and less privacy can all play a part. Talk openly about how you both feel, without pressure or assumptions about what should happen when.
Come back together
Arguments happen, and what happens afterwards matters too. Coming back to the conversation, acknowledging what happened, apologising where needed and trying again can help you repair things rather than allowing disagreements to build up.
Make space for small moments
Hours of uninterrupted time together may not be realistic with a new baby. A cup of tea, ten minutes talking, a hug or checking in before sleep can all help you stay connected as a couple.
Ask for support early
You do not need to wait until things feel unbearable before asking for help. Talking to someone, trying different ways of communicating or simply recognising what is happening can help you make changes before difficulties become established.
Explore more support
You can find more information, practical resources and free webinars about parental relationships across this website. Selects Parents from the menu at the top of the page to explore more.
See It Differently - Luca's Story
It is not always possible, or helpful, to avoid difficult conversations. Luca’s Story shows how new parents can approach their differences differently and find a calmer way forward. As you watch, think about what changes the conversation and what you might try in your own relationship.
Visit See It Differently for more short videos and practical ideas to help you understand disagreements from another point of view and communicate differently.
Support in your local area
Every local authority across the East Midlands offers support for parents and carers, often through Family Hubs, early help services and local partners.
What’s available varies by area, but local support can include advice, relationship or communication support, parenting programmes, and help finding the right services for your family.
The best place to find up-to-date, local information is your local authority’s website, where you can see what support is available near you and how to access it.
If you’re unsure where to start, choosing your local authority below is a good first step.
Leicester City Council
Leicestershire County Council
Rutland County Council
National support and information
If you’d rather explore support at your own pace, these national organisations offer free, confidential information and help for new parents and carers across England.
